The simple rules of (most) self-help books
and there are only 10! Here's the first 5:
I was reading a self-help book. Entitled ‘From Success to Significance,’ it had me in its grip. There I was, in Columbus Ohio, sitting in the autumn sunshine in the garden of the house-swop holiday (vacation) home in German Village. I felt free, able to achieve anything, longing to know how to spend the second half of what was, to all intents and purposes, the second half of my adult working life. My husband and I were on a sabbatical, the only one we’ve ever had; just over three months to BE and observe in a different church, to switch off from everyday life at home, to be revived and refreshed. The weather was glorious that Fall; we walked miles, went on outings, enjoyed new American friends, discovered that generally speaking it takes a lot less water to make a good cup of coffee than most people realise.
And play. We re-learned what it means to play - crazy golf, date nights, movie theaters, breakfast out, friends over for coffee and dessert …… not much of any of this had been a part of routine church life at home. Sundays were a great source of inspiration as the church where we were observing went through a series of hugely impactful sermons on God’s Extravagant Grace. I still often recall those heady days of healings, miracles, community and grace.
I was 45; I had been working, at different things and in different jobs, since I was 22. If I were to plan for retirement at 70, I was roughly half way through my working career. What came next? Should I carry on working part time whilst helping unpaid in most areas in the church?
I wanted to do something with significance, not just pootling generally, but doing something to help others, something that would increase the Kingdom, something that was meaningful and fulfilling. And - there was usually too much month left at the end of the money and it would help enormously with our three teenagers if I could contribute more to the family kitty.
Self-help books abound in the USA. They didn’t so much in the UK thirty years ago, but everywhere in the USA there were fascinating books to help you on your journey. You could pick them up with the groceries at the grocery store, at every good or perhaps not-so-good book store, even at church. Often beautiful produced, seductive in their cover or their blurb, designed to be the one book you HAD to have to solve all your problems. I bought, and read, a number of them. Including ‘From Success to Significance,’ Bob Buford’s book aimed mostly at men, mostly at Christian business men, who were looking for significance in the second half of life. Then there were Steven Covey’s successful Seven Habits, and Jim Collins moving from Good to Great. And many, many others.
Long story short - as a result of my reading and praying, during those sabbatical months, I was strongly called by God into full time ordained ministry. And ended up in Northern Virginia for my first ordained post. What a joy and a privilege to have the Revd John Yates, and his wife Susan, as my Training Incumbent and wife!
But here’s the thing. I discovered through all that reading that most self-help books rely on the same basic principles. And they set the spirit free to soar! Here’s what I realised - there are 10 simple ‘rules’ to a rhythm of life that is truly life-giving and joy-filling. It seems to me that when I follow these, the joy floods back and my spirit soars. And when I DON’T remember them, the opposite is, of course, true.
“I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow; but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.” - Agatha Christie
Everything works better after it’s been turned off and back on again. Including me. Often when I’m irritable, unable to cope, feeling stressed and miserable, it’s my body telling me it’s time to switch off. Time to take a rest. God rested after being incredibly creative (Gen. ) and He gives His beloved rest. And alongside rest goes eating well and exercising properly. For me, that means far less sugar and a daily long walk. You?
Play. Just enjoy playing. What did you enjoy when about 10 or 11? Do you still do that? And who cares what others think - life’s too short not to have fun, playful moments. I love little pots of bubbles to blow (and had a very special time with God a few years ago, when blowing bubbles in a walled garden on a 10 day silent retreat - maybe I’ll tell you more another time!) Experts say that cultivating your quirks, having fun and taking time to play is a big key to creativity. It also aids rest (see above) and can build relationships with others.
"You often feel tired, not because you've done too much, but because you've done too little of what sparks a light in you.” - Alexander Den Heijer
Write down everything - your goals, your plans, your rhythms of life, your gratitudes. Make a list and hone it, even if the very idea makes you cringe. We are far more likely to achieve anything if we write it down and make it visible to ourselves. A mental goal or plan is nothing like as strong to our minds as writing something down and revisiting it regularly. Try it and discover the difference it makes. My gratitude list is only 3 or 4 things a day - but writing them down is immensely satisfying. And yes, I admit to being one of those daft people who have a daily list, enjoy ticking things off when done and will also add something that wasn’t on the list but which is done, just for the pleasure of then crossing it out and marking it done!
Take one small flutter of your wings. (if you’re following my “Soaring series” - see below) or that first tiny step. It doesn’t have to be huge or momentous. Just one small flutter, one small step, done daily and that habit becomes a key to improvement. Then take the second flutter …. Now you’re on your way! This time next year you’ll be so glad you started now.
Just do it! Don’t procrastinate. I’m exceedingly good at thinking ‘I’ll start on Monday, always a good day to begin’ or, ‘I’ll get going when things are better/I’ve lost weight/the mornings are lighter ….. or or or’ and I rarely do. Waiting for the perfect timing to begin is mere procrastination. Perfectionism is a killer for improvement. Just take a little flutter of your wings. There! you did it. Doesn’t that feel better already?
If you missed the earlier chapters on Setting Your Spirit Free to Soar, you can find them here:
